Current mood:	ARRRRGHHH
Current music:	1347. Final Fantasy IX - Hunter's Chance
Entry tags:	badfic quotes

~Pumpin on yer stereo
I just realized that, as my comp lagged opening my "badficquotes.txt" file, that I prolly have enough fer yet another edition. Older editions can be found here so ENJOY...if ya can do that with these kind of things.
BUT ANYWAY, new edition! With such familiar joys as horrible Mary Sues, pure untamed erotica, mpreg, bad slash, and other wonderful such things culled from the best of the net!


Yes, these are REAL quotes from REAL fics. As sad as that may be. Comments from GAFFers or from myself or TEH FUNKMEISTER S-SHI YO (gogoicarus)


Also, my story will be based on the movie version of the lord of the rings, I apologize to all the purists out there, but if you are a purist then why add any further pain to yourself by reading any fan fiction, wouldn't any tampering with any part of the story offend a true purist. But no matter your prefrence. I hope you love this story and if you don't love it you at least appreciate the creative process.
Thank you to all
Aiko alima

She rolled and groaned in displeasure as she stretched her arm out swiftly to bang on the alarm clock. Shutting it off with a loud thud.

Beth however was not detoured "IF YOU DON'T GET UP IM GOING TO COME IN THERE AND POUR COLD WATER ON YOU."

Caitlin couldn't help but laugh under her breath, Beth was nothing if not through. "She got our of bed and teetered to the door, her still drowsy body unhappy with the movement. "See, im up, im alive and awake, she said through sleepy eyes."

"Ill sees yaw later, why anyone would want to wake up at this hour is beyond me. Im going back to bed"

Caitlin changed out of her sleep wear and into her work out pants and top, she knelt down tying her shoelaces, she stared at her shoe, suddenly forgetting how to tie her shoe, her mind went blank until an image of a great eye entered her vision, she could no longer see her shoe, only this menacing eye, black and fiery, it fixed itself on her, and she on it, they say each other.

She had been living in California for nearly 3 years now, and as much as she loved it, she was glad to be going and visiting her family in main.

"What is she doing here, is she a spy of sourumon, Gandalf" said Frodo
sourumon? What is he, Lord of the Jollyranchers?

"how do you know Frodo." Asked Aragorn. "well among other things, she looked at my face when she spoke, I feel the enemy would not be so tactic as this."

"You are full of surprises master begins"

gandalf defeated it, as if he knew his fate, gandalf fell, caitlin knew it was to kill the balrog, yet she sunk to her knees, still partly on the bridge, she began to sob, "noooooo" she heard frodos cry and so deep was her sorrow, that at first thought it was her own.

His movement was so graceful and silent, he moved through the trees and forest like a jungle cat. With determination in his face.

Love so deep is rarely portrayed in such eloquence as that of the sad tale of true love between the immortal even star Arwen, daughter of Elrond, and the mortal Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Elessar, wielder of Isildor." She had become wrapped in the legend as she spoke, every syllable of the names of the great heroes rolling off her tongue as though she had written them herself.

As she spoke she remembered, she remembered the very first time she had seen the movies. How her eyes had gone wide, and her heart sore as Arwen had run from the nazgul, and when the ring finally possessed Frodo. She remembered her love of middle earth, not only in legend, not only as words on the page or as motion on the screen, but as something that was inside her. That was, after all why she loved it so much, because it spoke to some wild and graceful part of herself that screamed. 'IM ALIVE, HEAR ME.' Her spirit, in all its strength and wonder, was revealed on the page and screen of this miraculous story of love, tragedy, victory, war and what makes the nature of a king, a good leader. Middle earth was now and forever not only a place of fantasy on a page or captured in the expressions of a movie, not only was it a place she was thrown into but a place that existed inside her heart. She was connected to this world, weather as fan, or participant their was no denying that this was where her spirit could be shown as the warrior it was, strong, beautiful, a true woman, a true hero, a true leader and soldier. This was where she was supposed to be.

When he became a ranger he left his little sister in Gondor and he missed her terrible.

You see, while getting a meal at a Tavern in some unknown town he had gotten word that the princess of Gondor left the saftey of Gondor in search of her lost brother, the prince and rightful heir to the thrown of men.

Legolas was on his horse riding thourgh the woods of his home. He was in his armor (you know from the movies)

She looked into the mirror and concluded that she wasted too many ears on loving a man who could never love her in return.

fiery red hair seemed to consume her slender frame and made her look somewhat wild.

Her black sneakers fit her feet perfectly, showing off the dainty foot inside of it.

Number Four was bright red, even though he was a great many yards away from her. His heart felt like it was going up his throat. His stomach threatened to explode. His head became heavy and light at the same time. His eyes glassed over, and his hands became clammy with a newfound emotion.
It was called love.

“Kairi! It’s me. Aqua. Your Sister.”

But the one thing that stands out was her pendent. It appeared to have water stained with blood, but the blood did not over take the water. It was as if it was frozen in time to the exact moment when the blood first touched the water. What a beautiful sight it was.

Gantu lay snuggled under the blankets of his enormous bed cuddling a silky soft creature to his chest, his sweet little vixen who's unselfish devotion, friendship and love made him feel so complete. Sure 625 was a great companion to have around but the gray alien's heart is longed for that special kind of love only the right little lady could bring, Gantu vowed to give his pretty one something very special to show her just how much he truly cared but in all due time he grinned as he watched his lover sleep.

This time Aragorn silenced me. He brushed his lips against mine, giving me a sweet yet quick kiss. “We have to stop saying: I thought… for now you and I can say: we are TOGETHER!”

“Cause you’re a strange elf, who is more concern about the well being of everyone save for yourself!”

I can’t help asking, I had to know. I needed to know! I’ll admit even to my own ears, I sound like a girl. But... Hey! I’m a pregnant elf that must count something!

I’m in love. Did you hear? I’m in love! I love him. I love my friend, My brother, My captain; I love King Elessar of Gondor.

How can I forget about that? Even if he doesn’t wear his crown, everyone who looks at him can say he is the King of men! But then…what will he do? Even if he is a king or better THE KING… he just can’t just go, and change his spouse from one day to another.

Just as the bodice met the skirt, was the emblem of Mirkwood, a green leaf. It was green with gold stitching around it. Amara put it on with her magic.

Amara sat on her bed with a small bundle of flowers, changing their color.
:Blue:
:Pink:
:Yellow:
:Bright Green:

“Mother!” He cried, not knowing what else to say as Amara stood in the center of the room completely exposed.

“Legolas! Get out, boy!” Glena cried, forcefully pushing the door closed on him. Glena leaned on the back of the door, then, she quickly locked the door. Amara didn’t know what to do, she had been humiliated in front of a Prince and a Queen! So, she did what any normal teenager would do, she sat on the floor, with her knees to her chest, and sobbed, “Oh! Oh! That horrible boy!” Glena said sadly and ran to the broken girl, putting comforting arms around her.

She was wearing a forest green, long sleeve shirt, with black cargo pants that were low enough to see her angel-piggy panties.

She also had a long rainbow scarf around her neck, but you can't forget her matching rainbow toe-socks.
~Or I'll KILL YOU.

Audrey asked showing Lilly furry leopard print boots. (think spice girls)

Sometimes its intentionally and sometimes it happens naturely. If they like a music group no one knows about, and they suddenly become famous then Lilly and Audrey will be the first the throw away there 8 track. (Yup I am going 80's hehe).

She was wearing a hippie purple and blue tie-dye shirt that showed her belly. She was also wearing about 12 brightly colored belts, some with rhinestones, other with spikes, and some with teddy-bears. But the thing was....... they didn't even hold up her pants. Her pants were just like Lilly's only that it was flares. And 'no one wore flares, that's too disco.' It all about the straight leg. Or at least that's what everyone is saying. Her hair was super sleek aswell, since all the girls were puffing and crimping theirs.
No cargo pants in the 70s. Flares in the early 70s, and they weren't disco so much as just unfashionable by the mid to late 70s. Disco people would wear tight designer jeans. Regular rocker types would wear probably Lee jeans or something, I don't know.

“The future will bring you a choice, I have seen the risks of both answers you would choose, and I beg you please choose the answer you would normally not choose Lady Arwen Evenstar of her People,”

Piercing green eyes, hardened yet adorned with a twinkling childish amusement. They spotted their prey and a malicious yet mischievous grin crossed the face of the young boy who owned the eyes.

In the midst of summer, the world is hard at work. Stocks rise and fall. People die and more are born. Problems are created and others are solved. And all good little children are off school for holiday. This particular summer the fate of one child was changed.

When he had one day devoured a bush of a certain berry, the berries that adorned it that is not the vegetation its self, and later had his stomach rebel he had learned to avoid that type berry. This method kept him alive, though barely.

Tenoch gasped, or at least showed the snake equivilant of suprise at the childs parseltounge prone ways.
That was the day that the fate of young Harry Potter ended.
As the fate of the serpent king, Tezca, started to weave.
And it all could have been avoided..........if someone had cared.

"And next time I'm definitely going to win!" he exclaimed teasingly.
"What makes you so sure?" came the retort.
"'cause I'd never be beaten by a girl!" he exclaimed cheekily, to which Teserract Infinity simply stuck out her small tongue and turned the opposite way, taking off in a gallop and leaving Tezca coughing from the dust she had kicked up and trying to laugh at the same time.

I have a huge wooden dresser and a desk with a black lab top on it and I see a printer next to the lab top.
~"Each room comes with a complimentary dog!"

I really like Mr. Edwards, my headmaster. He's great and he always helps me improve my fencing. He said something weird the other day though. He said that one day I'll need my training from here. Which makes no sense at all and it was totally out of context.

I run and run. I cry my sadness and pain. I remember my past hauntings that I have kept buried for a long time. I remember the person who made me my bracelet. I remember her dying face and I cry tears of pain and anger. Finally I stop running to eat some lunch. I know that seems like a frivolous reason, but there is only so much pain I can remember each day.

"I am Gabriel, son of Aragorn."

"Please don't leave me!!" Lilly screamed. She wa holding her lover in her arms. Blood was constantly pouring out of his wounds. "You are going to be a father just as you lways wanted. Please don't go you bastard!" Lilly sobed. "But I am only your bastard." Gaberail whispered. "Am I really goiong to be a father?" Garberail asked. " Take care of our child for me and I love you." That was the last words he spoke then he closed his eyes.

I was clearly a stranger to them. My eyes wondered around the room, they suddenly stopped and stared at a pair of bight emerald eyes.

Doc Ock drowsily slid out of bed and walked the best he could (although rather clumsily) on his bottom tentacles towards the doorway. The fluid in the IV container had been so strong that now, without it, he felt his body grow weaker and weaker with each stride. Finally, he couldn’t support his own weight anymore and fell to the ground with a loud, metallic thump. (the arms fell too.)

Doc Ock pulled it away startled at the reality view.

“No, you don’t understand. God is a loving and caring God. He never causes us pain or suffering. He wants us to prosper and be happy! That’s why He has given us this choice between life and death. Jesus said Himself: choose life! You need to choose Him or else!” Pastor Marvin exclaimed.
~"Those are some nice arms there, Doc. Wouldn't want, eh, something to, say, happen to them, huh? The big J, he can make sure that don't happen."

Blood Angel by Dark-Unknown-Shadow
Sora is a goth-punk,likes doing black magic.Until one night his sister that died a yr ago appears in his dream and tells him to be careful of what lies ahead.Evil things follow him,and he can't stop it.Can he?Vampires are after him,spirits,everything.

She had smoky brown curls that bounced around her face

A tall figure walked up next to the headmaster. The room was silent and everyone starred openly.

“He is such an arse,” Ron drawled.

Her brown hair that had always been
close to an afro, now was a deep chocolate with big curls. I could just imagine it bouncing around her, down her back and breasts as she rode me, calling out my name.

Just the thought of sharing one with Granger, made me too fucking excited. I couldn’t believe how sexy she was. How naïve I have been. I’ve had a thing for her since our third year when she slapped me, what can I say I like me some kinky shit

I went to the bathroom, stripped, and got into my shower. When the shower didn’t work as it was intended, I did the next thing that came naturally. I started masturbating. It felt so fucking good, standing there rubbing my hand over my slick dick

I started rubbing on my clit, first with my index finger and then between my finger and thumb. I could feel my body growing damp as I came close to climax. I closed my eyes and quietly moaned, not wanting to make much noise. I then reached into my night stand and pulled out my only muggle possession that I brought with me. An eight inch rubber dildo.
~How would Hermione go about buying a dildo anyway?
"Excuse me, I need to purchase a rubber phallus."
"Sorry, what?"
"A rubber phallus! It's very important!"

I was getting wetter and wetter, leaving little puddles on the bed each time I came.
Quick, someone get the poor girl a Depends!

Draco reached out and grabbed Hermione around her waist, hauling her on top of him. He attacked her mouth with his. It was a vicious battle of lips, tongue and teeth

To those of you who said that you like Draco in the way I described him, thank you, I modeled him after my boyfriend, who is a more rugged version of Draco, even his personality.

sliding into her from behind, griping her hips and trusting my hard dick
~"Don't fail me now, penis! Don't fail me now!"

A happy light shone out of her dark eyes, and her little mouth curved upward in a bashful smile.
~Cyclops: the formative years.

She sat up in her narrow bed, breathing deeply, trying to calm her jerking heart.
Don't you just *hate* it when your internal organs masturbate?

She is very beautiful; she doesn’t like to know that she is though. She is modest about that.

Who are these other people?”
“ They are his soldiers.”
“ What are they doing?” asked Amara.
“ The same thing that Haldir is doing, making sure that your eye is going to be fine,” said Strider.
"They have nothing better to do."

Keeping his word, Snape, otherwise known as my second father, sent me to Hogwarts, and I arrived as Kate Snape, daughter of Severus, not knowing who Sirius Black was at all, except what Snape had taught me (that he was a murderer who was sent to Azkaban).

“Stop your yammering young hobbits, there is a pub hotel not far from here. We should reach it before night fall, then you can have a bed, food, ale, and pipe weed. Until then be quiet!” shouted Gandalf angrily.
~So that's where the pubs go on their nights off!

“As in Aragorn son of Arathron Lord of Gondor and heir to Esildor?” asked the girl.

“My name is Samaria, I’m from the mountain realm of the Misty Mountains.” said Samaria
from the mountain realm of the Misty Mountains.

“Would you all happen to know Lady Galadrail of Lothlorien?” asked Samaria.

"He... he's my brother. My twin. He... likes to lock me in the basement when my parents are gone. And they never ever believe me when I tell them because Rodrick gets good grades and has lots of friends and he's on his school's football team and he plays the trumpet and he helps the drama club and volunteers at the homeless shelter... He's perfect and I'm not. Just like him. They're both perfect and no one ever listens to me. You didn't listen to me. Like my parents," she murmured softly, slowly curling into a ball under the sheets of her bed.
There was a moment of silence, then a hesitant hand rested on her shoulder.
"Miss Zabini... Blaise. I am very deeply sorry that I did not listen to your complaint in your first year here. I assure you, that I am no longer deaf, child. I will listen and I will act. But you must tell me who drove you so far, who tampered with your wards, who hit you."
~Keep in mind that Blaise Zabini was given one mention in the entire Harry Potter series, and that was when s/he was sorted into Slytherin. That's all.

"Oh, you liked it?" He says in a manly way, thinking 'I wonder if she would stay the night in my dorm sometime.' As you can imagine Draco was feeling mighty manly.

Haldir frowned and reached out for all of the women, wanting to hold them all and protect them from all of the sadness and upset in their world.

cleverly cut cap of curls that made the Italian ladies in the shop twitter about pre-Raphaelite nymphs and the cherubim on the Sistine Chapel ceiling

an impudent cap of runaway curls that shone like gilt under the Roman sun.

“How can you possibly think you’re safe here?” he asked. Her liquid-toffee eyes widened, then iced over.

He was suddenly full of something dark and unnameable.
~Gas.

He laughed, and the sound wasn’t even remotely amused.
“’Please’? My dear Miss Granger, that’s the word men dream will fall from your lips. It’s not likely to make them stop.”

She struggled on his lap, pulling helplessly at her arms as his free hand found her ankle and began slowly, tantalizingly, to slide up her calf, taking her skirt along with it. God. Why hadn’t she ever noticed that Snape had muscles before? Those damn professors’ robes, covering up a multitude of virtues. Every surface of his body was hard as rock, and his grip on her wrists felt like a vise.
~Snape totally hits the gym after he's done with a hard day of teaching.

She was soft and white and flawless, squirming against his thighs like last night’s fantasy made flesh. “Go to hell,” she spat, and that made it perfect, the vitriolic icing on his angel food cake.

His handprint bloomed on her skin like sunset on snow. He gave her another one to match. And another, just because symmetry was overrated.

This was interesting, Snape thought. Two things were becoming rapidly apparent here: first, Hermione Granger had never been spanked before, and second, she liked it. She had a miniature rainforest between her legs. He probed just a little further into the slick welcoming vortex of her and heard her moan.
~The Bermuda Vagina!

“Please,” she gasped again, and he didn’t mock her for it this time, just pulled her up and spread her out across his knees and let her bury her head in his shoulder, let her scream and beg and clutch at him while those magical, knowing fingers stroked her to the moon and back again.

Her eyes were screaming mystery.

A tear drop was tattooed under her left eye, as if she were an actress.
~When you're an actor, you have to go through an initiation where you get chained to a wall, they take away all your weapons, and then you have to break free and fight a tattoo artist to give you a face tattoo when you're underage.

"One of them is a different kind of Animagus!" McGonagall said, squealing with delight.

“Now class, as I was just about to say, it is my pleasure to introduce your newest classmate,” Crocker said, “Jessica Skylark!”
Timmy looked up from his drawing just in time to see the new girl step into the room. All thoughts of Trixie were wiped from his mind. It seemed the moment she stepped into the class, a shower of rose petals and a backdrop of hearts appeared behind her. Every boy in the room had hearts in their eyes, and some, Timmy among them, were drooling.

Destiny Sandra Magenta Christian Christine Anastacia

Hermione Samantha Virginia Kirsty Thompson
~Believe it or not, this was a real Harry Potter sue's name.

Jessica Elizabeth-Mae Rose Laura Dawn Skylark

He had long blonde hair and lavender blue eyes.

the new gryffindor trio- Harry, Hermione and Amy Black (Sirius&Minerva's daughter)...Amy's always hated draco malfoy, but sometimes, what you hate is what you need. Rated R for sex and language!

"I can't- I'm gonna-" he tried to warn her but her mouth was too powerful and he could not stop his orgasm. He exploded into her mouth.
~KABOOM!

"Sit down," Snape's voice boomed, "Potter, Black- separate yourselves. Black, go sit down beside Malfoy." (A/N- isn't Potions the best class for enemy sex????)

"Hey Potter, how are you even friends with her? Her father killed your parents. I mean, I know you're desperate for friends but seriously, sinking low, aren't you?" Draco spat bitterly and didn't see Harry fly at him and knock him down.
~Anyone else picturing Harry literally flying like a bird across the room?

"I'll show you how manly I am," he muttered as they reached the door of his private room since he was Head Boy (A/N why on earth would Dumbledore make Draco Head Boy?)

Her eyes glinted as she surveyed the school but he could see how cold they were. Her lips were dark, dark red and he ached for them to mark him.
With a force that stunned him, she delved into his mouth and ripped open his shirt.
This gave me the mental image of her diving headfirst down his throat and then somehow shredding his shirt from the inside, which would mean... ALIEN CHESTBURSTER SUE!

She had owlish, expressive eyes that shifted from a flirty medium gray to furious glittering onyx

Her large eyes closed and long lashes kissed her high cheekbones.

Alice’s eyes turned to the barn owl sitting on the fence to her balcony. White and smooth its eyes looked to hers, “Jareth... Take me away from here. Make me your bride Jareth. Make me the Goblin Queen.”

“ I’m going to try something different.” Belle rolled her eyes. They had different dishes to eat almost every night. “ I call it chocolate.” She said proudly.
“ Mother what’s this..c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e? Is it a type of soup? Or wine? Because the last bottle of wine you tried mother was completely dis…” She stopped when you saw her mother glaring at her.

"In front of you there were was a staircase to the right, the rail was made of what looked like white marble. The floor was a light cream colour and shone so brightly you could see your own reflection. The walls matched the floor perfectly. It was a nice cream with golden trimmings. I bet mum picked this place you snicker to yourself. There is a short corridor left of the staircase which leads to what looks like an office and bathroom. To your right there is a Large area, this must be the living room, since the couch is in here. on the wall further away from you, there is a Fireplace. Cream bricking giving a soft touch to the room."
~"There's also this gazebo..."
"A Gazebo?! I attack!"

'“I’m Melody but you can call me ‘Melody’” you say with a slight giggle, holding out a hand to shake.'

My first full fic. Please be kind in your reviews, but me no care about flamers. You will be blatantly ignored if you flame. So this is romance between Boromir and an OC. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking; Mary-Sue. But I will try with all my might to not make her MS, but obviously she will be slightly, because other wise he wouldn’t fall for some vampyre. Get me? No, probably not, but at least don’t think of me as a bimbo. Thank ye all, every one.

Voldemorte stuck his cheek out and Hermione gave him a kiss.

At age 5, he was a black belt at ninjutsu.

Ritsuko quipped, “But he didn’t tell you the real reason. He went to London to develop his highly advanced HALO technology, and, served as a 00 agent in MI6.” Then, she sighed, “He was at the age of 14, and Misato tried to seduce him.”
Shinji rolled his eyes, “Misato…”

Daisuke looked at Kensuke. He said, “Kensuke Aida, military fanatic, I believe.” He put his hand out and Kensuke said, “It’s… It’s an honor meeting you, Mr. Ishida!”
Daisuke said, “Call me Daisuke. All my friends do.”
Kensuke yelled, “I am never going to wash this hand ever AGAIN!”
Daisuke grinned, “Hold on there, bucko! Before you do that, here’s my autograph.”
Kensuke held Daisuke’s autographed picture. He said, “Now I know… There really is a god! Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!”
Daisuke looked at Touji. He said, “Touji Suzahara, the perverted idiot, right?”
Touji yelled, “I am not idiotic, and I am not perverted!”
Daisuke smiled, “Not with the intel Hikari gave to me.” He then turned to the pool and yelled, “Thank you, Hikari!”
Hikari yelled back, “Not a problem, Daisuke!”

Shinji grinned like a very evil chibi. He said, “Rei.”

He looked at the track, and, as the wind made his white hair flow like the waves, he sighed, “Why do us boys have to be a bunch of perverted shimatta baka ne?”

Shinji said, “Way to go Dais. Way to go.”
Daisuke grinned, “Dais? I’ve never heard you call me that before, Shin.”
Shinji smiled, “I decided to give you a new nickname.”

Sephiroth didn’t know what to do about the girl. He never had to comfort someone in his life so he didn’t know how to. He sighed and decided to just follow his heart and let it comfort her.
~"::tears heart out of his chest:: Here! :D"

I’ve never been normal. Ever. Ever since I was eight, I was always picked on. I was just ugly, weird, shy Andria Anderson. Even my name is weird.
~It is?

"Oh, great!So now I'm pregnant!"Misty whined."Who's the father, anyways?This kid will just have a mother!"
"Calm down, Mist,"Ash said.
"Calm!How am I suppose to calm down!What if you're the father!Brock could be the father!"

“I DEMAND TO BE AWOKEN FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!” Draco Malfoy screamed, not used to his girly voice and cringing as he heard it. Draco had woken up to find her had breasts, his voice was higher, and his form was all wrong! He was curvy and his shoulders were not so broad.

Draco by now had fainted when he realized he could get pregnant, he would get his period, and his father was going to kill him.

Cries could still be heard from the other side of the doors. "Take me!" "I'll be your wife!" "He's gorgeous!" "Come back! We won't bite!" "Come here handsome! I'll take good care of you!" "I love you!" "Come to us again! Please!" "Just a little feel!" "I want you, my love!"
The young man snorted in disgust.

He let out a semi loud moan as he recalled the last time Mitchie had wanted to play Cops and Bad Rohirrim.

There was a knock on the door and Harry walked over to open it. In front of him stood a Hermione that had started to grow into her adult body. She had nice hair like one of those Japanese animation hotties, her lips looked so juicy and shiny, she had on a " cutie" shirt and a tight skirt that showed her figure. She had the most wonderfull legs he had ever seen whiched turned him on.

" I asked that chubby cousin of yours if I could come up to watch over you. Your aunt saw me come up and muttered something about you being to young for this. I guess she though we were going to smack berries together." she said and Harry instantly caught the joke and turned red.
~I learn new euphemisms for sex every day!

" almost six. You know if you want to do it, ask." Tonks told him in his ear while pressing her lips in the process. Harry was on like crazy and wished that this wasn't another one of his visions.

Tonks got into the fettle position and Harry came from behind and started fucking her in the ass slowly at first and then faster. She moan and started to squeeze her boobs. Harry inserted his penis deeper and was now six inches inside of her. It hurt him a little to not use lubrication but he felt good.
It hurt HIM not to use lubrication?! HIM?

Harry flipped her over so that she was facing him and he cranked her legs and got to put his penis inside of her vagina. " Harry!! Oh, oh, oh." she moaned. Apparently she never had such a big dick in her before and Harry's was widening and making her feel like she was flying.
~Hygiene, people! Come on!

He kept on fucking her in the vagina and moved around a little so that he could suck on her nipples. He played around with them as if they were stress balls." well what are you waiting for?" she said and cranked her legs back.
... and then the top of her skull flipped open and a giant clown head on an accordion spring popped out?

Harry moved his hands slowly away from her boobs and slowly dragged his hands down to finger her in her butt. Tonks felt a wave rush through her body and shivered wildly with euphoria. " I though you were a virgin." Tonks said.
" you need to be quite and start fucking. Yes I'm a virgin but not up until now. I guess I inherited these skills."

Harry finished first and forgot that his dick was still in Tonks mouth and juiced her. She too finished next but Harry wasn't around to get sprayed and move way to cuddle with her.
~Tonks juice! Available at a supermarket near you!

" you just said, that she thought you were coming up here to check on me and that she thought wrong, but would you really have sex with me? I was just curious to know."
" yeah"
" great. What time is it?"

"Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and the Lady Coriander," a voice announces.

“Wyrall Blayton, Olympiya!” A shrill voice echoed through the great hall.

He looked up at the dwarf with a deliciously sluttish expression.

Spike looked into an oval face framed by a wealth of auburn hair, most of the bangs were kept in a series of braids that kept them from her face. The color was not a red kind of red, but more of a brownish auburn.

The red deceleration rings hung in space resembling floating hula hoops - a child's toy of decades past - on a long path to the asteroid Tijuana. The rings shuddered with exertion when a stark bolt of light burned through them, a falling star from heaven caught in their folds. A starship was slowing down out of hyperspace like a wayward child coming home.

Like a cosmic mother giving birth, a rippling glow gouted forth a white light exploding in silent thunder, as the starship Bebop entered the asteroid belt off of Jupiter.

Jet walked by the yellow sofa, and sat on the armrest, and watched the charismatic guy nonchalantly shrug off his off handed comment. Spike slipped out of his sweat pants, revealing his pert ghetto booty that you could bounce a half woolong coin off of, as he reached for the extra towel by Jet's leg.

Spike sat on his lap. Jet groaned at the nearness of this beautiful man wanting to fling him off or slap him for his presumchsioness.

"Let me worry about afterwards," Spike whispered, "right now I want to be taken as a lover would."

Sensing this he dropped a tiny kiss on his glans and bathed his love sheath with long wet strokes of his edger tongue. His breath catching in his throat as Spike swallowed him whole his nipples went hard from excitement.

"Jet," Spike whispered, trying to keep his voice level as his thumbs rankeled over two hard pink points. "Just relax. Get the baby oil in side the cushions. Squint some on your cock."

His phallus was the color of plum wine with blue vines coursing around the base.
~I think a visit to the doctor is in order here.

"Jet," Spike pleaded, "Kiss me, please."
With sweat was dripping down his bald head, Jet frowned up at his lover. "I'm not gay," he grunted.
"Damn it, I don't know what you see in me to do this with me. This," he indicated his left arm, "is ugly."

"It's not that simple," Spike said. "To insure loyalty and keep discipline in the ranks we were forced into..." he fumbled for the right word "a sexual bondage with older accepted members of our Syndicate. Now don't screw your face up like that Jet... what ever you feel about it the system worked. I was very lucky to be placed with a considerate 'older brother'. By the end of my acceptance, I knew that I wasn't gay, but I did develop a taste for it."

Damn, it had been TOO long since he had someone to sex in his life.

Spike had to admit that he was getting severely turned on by this. His hard on bucked lushily in his crotch as Swordfish jolted on some turbulence. The leather seat pressed into his sore anus sending delicious chills into his balls. He grinned like a schoolboy discovering how to jerk off for the first time.

He was getting a bad hard on from all the angst. Their foreplay in the monoracers only fueled his desire to make this last as long as possible. He caught sight of a pair of large breasts jiggling in the cracked zipper of her leather jacket. Hello, he silently said. What do we have here?
He just couldn't resist faking her out to unzip the jacket just to see how big she was. Two melons straining in a white tee shirt bounced into his view. Spike mouthed, "Oh my gawd." And got a fist in the face. Spike fell back. Dazed he saw stars for a few seconds

This woman was way too good looking not to cop a feel. He grabbed her around the waist and planted a kiss on those perfect lips. His tongue ripped through her mouth like hungry tiger. Spike widened his lips for her edger kiss back, running his hand all over her breasts. He felt giddy as he felt her nipples harden under his thumbs.
Her arse felt good and tight as he gropped it with her sighs in his mouth.

As she stripped off the layers of 'who' she was in the real world she began see fleeting images of her real self layers in her mind's eye: a good old fashioned cowboy, bounty hunter by trade term slang, who traded on the lives of wanted fugitives on the run; a lovely exotic dancer in times when bounty hunting got lean (hey a girl had to make a living no?); an artist, hardly ever now a days, she never had the time between gigs; and expatriached princess of the Sidhe by her mother's blood and human by the blood of her father. All these things rolled into a mixed up package that was Eryn Kildare, still trying to find out who she really was and were she belonged in this vast universe.

"These swords are made out of my grandfather's two kanies. One sword can kill over one hundred orcs with one swing, the other can bring back one hundred men or elves with one swing."
Not Dwarves? Gimli doesn't approve.

Ash Ketchum, the almost great pokemon trainer, was busted for a homicide and possession of crack cocaine.

The first time he met her; he had to do a double take on those eyes. They looked almost as if they were made from drops of water from the Caribbean waters, and were just as enchanting – captivating.

And it was very true if you listened to the rumors about Harry Potter was hardly ever without a date. A new girl each dance, each trip to Hogsmeade. How could you resist the emerald diamonds placed in those eyes? Along with the charming grin and easy manner? And knowing that he was a romantic helped him with those dates too, making the girls go all dreamy on him. Which is what he was. Dreamy.

Her parents died in a tragic air plane accident.

long wavy blonde hair which she wore out with hot pink, black and purple streaks running through it

Her lack of uniform was not what drew Harry’s attention, it was her eyes (though they were hard to see as she was reading a book) they were purple with splashes of emerald green in them, and lined with dark eyeliner.

'Her wavy hair was let loose, curling softly, framing her face. From the back it fell down to about, well, mid-back. But at the front she had red and gold highlights that only went down to her shoulders. All in all, the colour looked something like a sunset, and mixed with her eyes that reminded Ash of the ocean that Misty loved so dearly, well, it was breath-taking.

Ok ooo and this is the full summary. On Harry’s 17 B-day he turns into an elf and finds out that Lily and James were not his parents, but guardians because Harry’s real parents were not aloud to raise him. (You will find out later why.) They had requested Harry be turned by a vampire. So one day a vampire named Nita Kona shows up to turn him. With the help of Nita, Drake Serath( another vampire) and Tara from Elven Wood, who is an elf. He figures out how to defeat Voldemort and the new threat for all three kinds, vampires, elves, and wizard and witches that is rising.

Changes of Life
..::Chapter One::..
..::oo00oo::..

silvery green eyes that made her enemys cowar in fear and her friends heave a sigh of joy, not to mention she always had a light of humor in them

okay this is my fic so nowone copy it or ill send the police just kidding
okay i do not own harry potter or any of the godess J.K.s work(i dont like her anymore now that she killed sirius sniffle)okay but i now you want to read so enjoy

I cant believe were going to hogwarts yelled a girl named charlie robinson as she jumped as high as she could causing her to yelp in pain as she had just hit her head on the cieling causing all the girls to laugh except charlie who whined her head hurt and it wasnt funny even though all she got back in return were three laughing girls roling around on the floor.

This girl was about 5'2 and had dark black raven hair that had two purple (metimorfugus -a person who can change there outside appearences) streaks in the front hair for now at least.

she was very skinny but also had curves where she needed them she had the most buetiful long blond hair that reached her waiste she had light brown eyes that also showed she was a humuros person.

Taylor had light blond hair that reached a little below her ear lobes.she had light green eyes and was just a little quiet except around us where she would instantely explode.

Let me go I screamed.Not on your life he replied.I tryed really hard to get away and then malfoy pulled me into a rough kiss let her go I heard my friends say no scream he was now forcing his toung down my throught and then I screamed and he slapped me and I fell.
When I looked up malfoy was standing over me. HELP! I said before he slapped me and I passed out.

malfoy shot into the air and landed in a tree the other three boys got scared and ran away so that the girls imediatly got on there nees and looked at the girl.

"I'm Mechelle Allardyce."

"I hope you like this place. It's the only descent café in Diagon Alley." Mechelle walked in and her eyes went wide. It was a Goths dream. The walls were black and were covered in gothic symbols and a lot of posters of muggle rock bands. She listened to the music and heard Good Charlotte The Anthem (A. N: that is one hell of a good song).

"There is. But if you wont tell me I wont make you." She sipped he drink then started singing quietly under her breath. The song was Bring Me to Life by Evanescence. Malfoy could hear her and was amazed at how well she could sing. He stared at her until the song was over and was even more impressed when she held the long note at the end.

"So I've been told. I got a music deal with a muggle company but they wanted me to sing and dress the way they wanted. I quit as soon as they told me I had to wear skirts. I hate skirts!"

It was the beginning of sixth year when Ginny realized her feelings for Ronald Weasly. She couldn't help but admire the way his hair was so red, his eyes so blue. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She wanted him... So much.
~See that? That's me shuddering in absolute disgust.

Ginny didn't like Harry like she used to. He was- just there. An ex-crush. Taken off the shelf once, and put back again to gather dust for the rest of eternity. Ginny wished he and Hermione would get together... But blast her! Why had she taken her brother? Weren't there plenty of other fish in the sea?

"It isn't fair!" she yelled in dispair. "Why can't he love me like I love him? I know he's my brother, but does that matter? He's still my true love! He doesn't deserve Hermione! Hermione's- Hermione's muggle trash! Oh, please be mine, Ron! Please!"

Ron approached me with an odd look on his face in the empty common room. No one was here, just me and him. He approached me... And kissed me.
He tasted so good, like heaven and chocolate-chip cookies. He pushed me onto the couch, and took my shirt off. He kissed me on the lips..
~I'm glad this fic made the clarification that heaven and chocolate-chip cookies are two different things.

"I love you Ron..." "I love you, too, Ginny..." "Ron, Ron! Won't you be mine, forever and ever?" "I will be yours fore-."
But he was interrupted. Damn that Granger- for she was the one who walked through the portrait hole.
Hermione saw me and Ron kissing. She immediately pulled Ron off me and kissed him. As she kissed him, she pulled out her wand and stunned me. "locomoter Ginny" she said. I hovered in mid-air. But really, all I wanted to do was kill Hermione...
I fought off the stunning and was soon back on my feet. I whipped out my wand. "Avada Kedavra!" Hermione tumbled to the ground.
I smiled, and then went back to kissing Ron.

"Students... Does anyone, especially of the Gryffindor house, have any information regarding Ms. Hermione Granger's death?" he said it loudly, and clearly, but Ginny could tell he was very unhappy.
The students looked at each other. Ginny glanced at Ron (Oh, Ron, my love! Can't we be in love? Can't we? Please?!) And saw that he had tears rolling down his face.

"Ronald Weasly!" cried a voice. Ginny turned around and saw Prof. McGonagall's head sticking out of the portrait hole. Minerva stood up and brushed off her robes. "How dare you! Assault and attack innocent first years! Hermione would have been disgraced!"
Ron turned white as he looked at the ghostly figure that stood beside his transfiguration teacher.
"I am," replied the ghost of Hermione Granger. "I am very disgraced."

Now that Hermione's dead, I thought he'd look for me as his… new girl… Even if I am his sister. But why did Hermione just have to come back as a ghost? Suppose she hadn't… Would he like me then? Maybe I will have to make a move on him… But how? Suppose I… kiss him? Maybe… I'd have to kiss him where nobody would find us, and when he would be least suspecting it. Or maybe I should make him jealous… But with who? Harry! He's in love with me, right? So, problem solved. Date Harry. Get Ron jealous. Dump Harry. Date Ron…

Dumbledore clapped his hands loudly but not happily. He had a look on his face that told the students that he was very angry- yet a hint of afraid had creeped onto his face.

And to BOOOO my first reviewer, what exactly does “shitpenis” mean. Are you saying my story is one? I am? Or is that you name? well when I said constructive criticism that’s not quite what I meant. Anyway R&R please

Kagome was the most beautiful demoness she had ever seen.

Zidane flew down the stairs and landed on the third step from the bottom. "BWAHAHAHA! You have to be up and at it even in the morning Zidane! Come on! We're meeting some guest! Do something about your hair! BWAHAHA!" The large man went down the stairs and kicked Zidane. Zidane grunted "Urgh! That hurt Baku! I'm only 11!"

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce

"They are not Aurors, they are young pilots of the Evangelions. They are our defense against Keel and his weapons. But we must also treat them with kindness. They are very special and shouldn't be persecuted because of it. Even though there are people who will."

As I explored his body with my hands he gently kisses and drools over my bosoms and neck. While he kissed my neck my head turned to him and accidentally kissed him on the side of his mandible mouth.
~Thus answering the question "What is it like to make out with a Predator?" and no I'm not joking.

When he pulled off his codpiece and loincloth his penis popped out quickly.

Later he breathes over my stomach, lowers over my clit and licks it.
~I can say with great certainty that the last thing I want near my vagina is a Predator's mouth.

After he saw that I was comfortable and wet, he picks himself up and grins his privates against mine. He spread my legs even more, placing them over his, wrapping around him and slowly he inserts his penis into me. He was every careful not to create any serious damage to my cunt.

This is a story about Hermione becoming a goddess and Snape is Lord of the Underworld.

Erszhebet "Beth" Severina Bathory

for I would be experiencing pure,untamed erotica--and enjoying every minute of it.
A few minutes later,after I would place my stiff cock inside her asshole and use each of my hands to carress both her breasts and pussy,Teri would place her gentle hands on my bare legs and yell,"AAAAHHHH,YES!THAT'S IT!DO IT,SHIT-HEAD!FUCK ME!I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME!MAKE ME WANNA CUM!AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"
~This guy is a constant in a world of change! He makes me smile.

Harry nodded, frowning. "You're a very naughty little boy, and you need a thorough spanking." Draco nervously toyed with the lacy hem of his pink Sunday dress, crossing his lacy-socked ankles in nervous anticipation. "But I won't use the belt," he sighed, not completely immune to Draco's angelically sad expression.
"I deserve it, Daddy. I was bad!" Draco shook his head, fine strands of white-blond hair with flowers caught in them, the crown balanced crooked on the tiny pigtails that were swept up with pink ribbons to match the dress.
"Yes, I know you were." Harry looked at Draco disapprovingly.

Draco's hips moved minutely to help Harry in sliding the frilly panties down around his thighs, where they slid in a fall of silk to his ankles, and he stepped out of them so Harry could pick them up and tuck them into his sweater vest for safe keeping.
~I just like the mental image of Harry wearing a sweater vest. It amuses me.

Harry waited a brief moment before starting a sequence of merciless, smarting spanks, watching the abused cheeks turn pretty pink, then burning red. Draco was wincing and mewing and crying, but Harry didn't stop.
~Getting spanked turns you into a cat!

Quickly, Harry began to lathe long, luscious licks in the musky-sweet valley of Draco's buttocks, sliding and slicing between them wetly.

"Ooh, yes, oh, yes, Daddy," he incoherented, but it wasn't clear as to whether he was agreeing about the secret or about the tongue.

Harry felt the tight, wrinkled orifice tightening and relaxing convulsively under his tongue, tasted its clean, salty taste and smelled its deep odor.
~S: That's not an anus, that's a peanut. He's no longer licking a butthole, he's licking a Planter's Jar. Although I can see how you could confuse a peanut and a butthole, considering they both have two halves and are roundish. Then again, you don't find a peanut on the human body.
Z: Oh man, my peanut is killing me today!
S: ...
o|` Found a peanut, found a peanut... o|`

Stabbing gently at the guarded entrance, Draco mewed at the hot, slimy intruder and allowed him entrance -- Harry's tongue slid inside the quaking hole slick and true.
~S: Oh man, good thing he did that slick and true! I was worried that it might not happen! JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME!

All at once, Draco's body completely melted under Harry's firm, strong hands running soothingly over the skin that still tingled from the spankings and wet tongue spearing into him, tasting his inner walls and coating them thickly with hot saliva.
~Anyone picturing Draco turning into water?
SPLOOSH

Keening squeaks and moans were spilling from Draco's tiny flushed-pink lips unheeded as the boy lost himself completely to the pleasure and let Harry suspend him like a puppet on a tense plane of sensation.
~S: "And then he let Harry pluck the strings, and make him dance the silly dance of male orgasm."

"Mmm," Harry groaned, tongue still working at loosening Draco's slickening hole. This was positively delicious.
~"Part of this complete breakfast!"

I'm look at the house first time in ten year. With a court order to watch me. I slime. This a start of a new life. A chance to have a real life. I am going to sneaking in the back.

Suddenly his eyebrows began to twitch. They were like hairy little midgets dancing above his eyelids.

Akane looked around the kitchen, it looked like a bomb had hit it, pots and pans had been thrown everywhere, and there was a pool of cum on the floor, it looked like she really HAD been cooking.

Two he created among the Children of Ilú vatar, one of the race of Men, the other one of the Firstborn. These two would be forever bound together and to Endor. They would wield the power known as the Eternal Light of Eä . They would be pure beings: immortal, wise, and fair. They would be the Kings of Endor, over all other beings.
~Endor?

Théodred rose from the throne. " Éomer says we have guests, Father."
" Indeed," Théoden replied, glancing back at Éowyn. " Aragorn of Gondor…"
" …Legolas of Mirkwood," Éomer continued, " Gimli son of Glóin, and Gandalf the Chode Smoker."

Laura Croft banged by dogs and some lucky men. Beast,anal,oral,gangbang and other horrors

Laura was being raped by a damn dog she honestly couldn't believe this shit
~D: it's all like NIGGAH I DON'T BELIEVE DIS SHIT.
OH NO YOU DI'IN.
NIGGAH PLEAAAAAAAAZE.

Laura squirming only serving to shake her aack ack and forth

the first dog now kept sticking his tongue in&out of her ass it was so disgusting she could feel the slime and slober but jesus christ she was having another damn orgasim

she felt something slimey near her ass crack turning back she saw that one of those big dogs were ready for ago before she could say no he slid in up to her bowels and pumped away as she let out a "aaaaaaaaaahhh"
"aaaaaaaaaaaahhh" screamed Laura as the dog's penis ruptured her bowels, causing her to collapse and die.

It slid up into her ass and then out her pussy.
Now, I'm not female, but I'm pretty sure that's anatomically impossible.

"What are we, Harry?"
"Whatever you want us to be, Draco. Whatever you want."
"Can you be my daddy?"
He looks at me with startled green eyes and I want to bolt. I shouldn't have asked. I- Oh.
He's kissing me. Hugging me.
"Oh Draco. Oh baby..."
"Ha-"
"Yes, baby, I can be your daddy, if you want me to be."
"Please."
"Okay."

My spunk looked like fucking pearls.

It was only when Dark Jak sat back to look at Jak that he realised he hadn’t removed Jak’s tunic.

“Let us watch ‘The Lord of the Rings the Fellowship of the Ring Special Edition!’”(A/n is there really a special edition of the first one?)
~Must...control..fist...of death...

“Oh yes let’s!” Her 13-year-old friend said, scampering from the corner of the wall to her butterfly chair. Asha pulled her straight, shoulder length red hair away from her eyes, so she could see. “Wanna fanta?”
“No, I only drink … PEPSI, COKE, and SPRITE!”
“How about … 7 up?”
I hope that this story features enough fine consumer products.

Boromir has kidnapped Arwen and is keeping in Gondor. She does not love him and wants nothing more than to be with Aragorn, (whom she is reluctant to mention to Boromir). No clear time period, although the war of the ring would not be a factor in this sto

Harry felt a bubble of happiness explode in his chest. He would be able to talk to his friends. He would be able to keep in contact with people he knew and loved. He could get on to porn sites.

“Look into me eyes and tell me, what do you see?” Ginny asked Draco trying to stop him from walking away. He couldn’t leave now, not yet.
“I see nothing, just tears you're about to shed,” Was all he said placing one final kiss on her temple before fading into the shadows taking the beautiful engagement ring with him.
That night her tears were water, but now her tears were blood.

“Look at my smile, isn't it beautiful?” Ginny asked giggling like an innocent child should to Hermione as she applying a deep wine colored lipstick that clashed horribly with her hair. Smiles were quite rare since the war started last month.
“No it's just fake and broken into pieces that fade into silent screams,” The somber older girl said not looking up from her war texts and copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Will I ever be loved?” Ginny asked Harry as they sat up late one night in the common room staring deep into the fire. She tried not to use a pleading tone, but it was distinctly there. Playing with a loose thread on the ouch she waited or some sort of reply.
“You will never be loved. You are to remain alone. That is what you are here for. To cry and bleed. Don’t even try to laugh. You know it isn’t worth it. No one will try for you because no one cares,” Harry’s words echoed in her head as he rose, extinguished the fire, and ascended to his bed room.
~I'm sensing a pattern.

Ginny sat in hell watching this happen and let a laugh explode from her lungs. Here the darkness made her queen and with a flick of her hand it consumed her. It made her whole.

Patricia was the most beeutiful elf in all of the Shire. Whenever she went somewhere, all the others would stare at her beauty.
"I wish I was like Patricia!" all the females would say.
But they were not, and Patricia was beeutiful.

Chris lay on the couch with her cat Oreo on her stomach she stroked its back subconsciously it meowed at her she smiled and looked back at the TV again now that Jack was on, that’s the only time she would actually pay attention to it, other times when he wasn’t on she would be doing something else but when he came on she would sit still be quite and wait for him to do something great which he usually did, she mouthed the lines and shifted, her strait black hair falling in front of her face, she fixed it behind her ears and scratched Oreos ears then all of the sudden she jumped down from the couch Chris fallowed Oreo with her eyes and frowned she wasn’t usually like that sometime she would stay in one place for so long Chris could have deemed her dead, she shrugged her shoulders and turned back to Jack who was now in the middle of a storm she smiled he looked so captainy like that all in charge and stuff, she shook her head and got up for something to drink, it was only 8:00 clock at night which she thought was also weird, she opened the frig to find nothing to drink oh yea she had yet to go out shopping so she got out the last bit of milk she had and some chocolate syrup for chocolate milk, she would always make chocolate milk when there was no soda.
~Now, we've had some previous contenders, but I think this is, indeed, the longest run-on sentence ever.

The cast dropped their poses and relaxed, stretching, chatting and joking with one another. Elijah was in deep conversation with Peter, while Sean and Ian stood talking to one another, their conversation punctured occasionally by laughter. And the whole time, Marilyn sat on a nearby card table, her eyes surreptitiously following Orlando Bloom’s every move across the set over the top of her script.
God he was so sexy! Even now as he walked thoughtfully about the set, he seemed to be glowing in the bright sunlight, like an angel. Marilyn sighed. How did he always manage to get himself lit just so?
~I foresee a boiled dead rabbit in poor Orlando Bloom's future.

You know the most typical fan fictions are girls get dropped into middle earth? And then you have the High School Fan Fictions. This is two girls get dropped into middle-earth and go to high school with the fellowship. Hilarious and completely without plo
[Mouse starts crying tears of blood.]

"NO!!!! ARAGORN!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas yelled. He killed the Uruk-Hai who did it and ran to help the people of Gondor.
~"You forgot the reciept! THE RECIEPT!"

"Hello Professor Snape." The tall man looked at him. He gave a death glare. Legolas stepped back a little. "Nice to meet you...." Legolas said. Severus left the room immediately. Legolas looked to Gandalf. "He doesn't like Elves, Legolas." Gandalf said sadly.
~On a side note, at this, I turned to Funkmeister and said "Okay, this is your typical 'Legolas goes to Hogwarts' fic-"
And she responded with, "Wait, TYPICAL? Doesn't it make you sad that you can say that? That these are so common that you can say a typical Legolas goes to hogwarts fic, my god man. My god, how can you speak so glibly of such horror."
And I wept.

"Legolas, I'm very sorry about Severus. He's hard to get along with, believe me, I know, but.........you two have more in common than you think.

"My name is Legolas Greanleaf. What's yours?" Legolas asked.
"I'm Harry Potter." He said.
"Well, I've heard much about you Harry. We have much in common. You see, Voldemort killed my parents the same night he killed yours. I survived the Avada Kedavra curse too."

So here she was, stuck singing in an inn full of creatures that claimed they were not kenders yet acted and looked exactly like Tasslehoff.
~Hee hee hee. Tasslehoff. Hee hee. Hee. Tasslehoff.

Laurana was so caught up in singing that she didn’t notice when the coins being thrown at her changed to knives.

Tahoma picks the wrong night to mess with Yuki. He spread rumors about Yuki and Shuchi. What will Yuki do? Will love save them from the media?
~Tee hee. Tahoma.

Shuchi was sqweeling with delight

"Don't put that in there!", the whole Vivid Edge gayboy crew didn't say, as David Letterman deep-sixed jenee's slow roasted hairy sausage into America's censored pokebox.
~S: What just happened? Did he have sex or is this a political cartoon?

One day, Kefka demolished Tzen, and made a gay bar there. It was fine for awhile, with regular visitors such as Umaro and Gau, but five weeks passed, and it was time for Kefka to pay the taxes on his bar.
~Hahaha, so Kefka destroyed an entire town just to put his gay bar there? I can see him doing that.

On the other side, he saw a lovely man with great abs and pecs. He had long, silver hair, and a ridiculously long sword stuffed in his belt. Lastly, he had the "eyes"...the mako eyes. This was an irresistable thing for Kefka (in
fact, the death of Zack was truly induced by Kefka's obscene humping, not at Sephiroth's blade.)

"Who is it? Is it you, Sephie?" Kefka asked. Kefka opened the door, and who was on the other side, but Locke Cole, the door-to-door salesthief!
~"Hi, can I interest you in some theft? I have plenty of references! I'll give you a good price, cause you're good people."

"Can I interest you in a sex toy?" asked Locke, holding up a blow up doll.
"Yes. You have the one I want." Kefka answered.
"And what one is that?" Locke asked.
"You!" Kefka shouted, grabbing Locke by the shoulders.
Locke puked and ran away.
"Waaaah!" Kefka cried. "Love has left me again! That's it! From this day forward, I vow to find Sephiroth, and make him my own personal playground!"

"Sephie, my hubby!" kefka shouted, jumping into the boat. Sephiroth fainted and Kefka raped him. When he woke up, he ws strapped to the wall of Kefka's bedroom, between the whips and dildos.
"Prepare to fulfill my wildest dreams, bubby!" Kefka shouted, in his tighty whities.
"Oh my god...I mean Oh My Me! No one deserves this! Not even Al Gore!" sephiroth shouted.
~That line, right there, makes this fic a classic. You have no idea how hard I'm laughing right now.

"How can this be?" Aragorn asked, gesturing toward Frodo's belly. "I had heard of such things among the elves-"
Gandalf became serious. "Remember what he bears," he said nearly inaudibly.
As for the favorite "There are special elves that can get pregnant line" I'm always thinking, "Yes they're called women."
And...
Are we, then, to assume from this quote that the Ring has the power to cause spontaneous pregnancy? This revelation may lead to a tidal wave of Smeagol mpreg, Isildur mpreg, and--- dare they?--- Sauron mpreg.
>SAURON MPreg? How the hell would that work? I mean, as far the the fangirls are concerned, Sauron consists of an eye on top of a tower.
How? Would he suddenly have an unusually flexible pupil? And the pupil-baby would fall to its death after birth anyway!
...I guess the pupil 'dilating' would get taken seriously, huh? Aaannd I can't believe that I'm actually considering this.

“So why are you so strong in penis?” Lex ask interestingly.
Why did I live long enuogh to read this?
And
"Well," answered Clark, "I got high marks in penis class..."

Lex shrugs his shoulders and smokes sigarettes imang hng...

“Come and get it.” Lex says. Chaled Ced Clark.

“Yes, Lex,” Clark said happily. “I have one too. But yours is bigger.” Clark also had one and he’d took his out first.
“Yes, mine is so, so, so big. Isn’t it?”
“It is indeed. But I have very strong penis. Watch this:”
Clark walked over to a cave atucktuck his penis straight through the wall like a drill.
“WOW!@” Said Lex
Because not only does it achieve excrutiating GAFFness, it also makes no sense, and invents a really funny cool new word! Atucktuck! Now I know what word to use when describing a penis going into a wall! After all those years of waiting.

Clark was chasing Lex naked! His penis is bounces as he runs and is a little ain ain because it’s bouncing. So it hurts.

"Still wouldn't hurt a fly, eh? Don't worry. I've got my scars also, and most likely in the same spots" Both men smiled softly at each other and Brock returned to his actions, now taking off Vash's belt and grabbing the waist of his pants to lead him to the bed. Vash used this as his way to take over. He pushed Brock onto the bed and lay atop him, both men's midsections grinding the other. Brock was simply awed and shocked at the way Vash was acting. After all his years of knowing him, he never expected him to be...well... so... Dominant. It was the turn on of the century. He groaned lightly, lifting his hips against Vash's, in an attempt to get him to continue. Never before had he felt like this, or wanted Vash so much. It was when he looked into those eyes that he was trapped by the other man. His slightly damp tongue ran over his lips. Words simply were not needed, nor could they ever even begin to describe what he felt right then.
~I'm sorry, Pie.



I'm experiencing pure, untamed erotica...and enjoying every minute of it.